Its In My Diary
One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.
It took the remainder of the [...]
Psychiatrists At A Convention
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, “People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.” The others agreed.
Then one said, “Since [...]
Where are you going, Father?
A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud “THUMP” and then he would swerve back onto the road. One [...]
What Does Your Daddy Do?
One day, the children were in class when the teacher said they were going to talk about careers and what their parents did for a living. A number of hands went up.
“Connie, you go first,” said the teacher.
Connie said, “My daddy’s a doctor, and my mommy stays at home and takes care of my little [...]
Two Hundred Dollars Mistake
A worker who was being paid by the week approached his employer and held up his last paycheck. “This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,” he said.
“I know,” the employer said. “But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained.”
“Well, I don’t mind an occasional mistake,” the worker [...]
Cross Eyed Judge
The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?”
“Not guilty” said the second defendant.
“I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied.
“I never said a word” the third defendant replied.
Give Me A Call
Life insurance agent to would-be client:
“Don’t let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonight. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.”
Twenty Pounds Of Apples
An agriculture student said to a farmer: “Your methods are too old fashioned. I won’t be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples.”
“I won’t be surprised either,” said the farmer, “this is an orange tree”.
It works
An economic forecaster was known to have an horseshoe prominently displayed above the doorframe of his office.
Asked what it was for, he replied “it is a good luck charm that helps my forecasts”.
“But do you believe in that superstition?” he was asked.
“Of course not!” he said, “but it works whether you believe in it or [...]
Shaking Hands
“Doctor, Doctor, You’ve got to help me - I just can’t stop my hands shaking!”
“Do you drink a lot?”
“Not really - I spill most of it!”