God Needs Rest
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Just Missed It
A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede.
They gather around the guide who says, “This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta.”
A fellow at the front of the crowd asks, “When did that happen?”
“1215,” answers the guide.
The man looks at his watch and says, “Damn! Just missed it [...]
Hopping Kangroo
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo.
Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.
A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next [...]
Clean Glass
Waiter: “Tea or coffee, gentlemen?”
1st customer: “I’ll have tea.”
2nd customer: “Me, too - and be sure the glass is clean!”
(Waiter exits, returns)
Waiter: “Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?”
Cinderella And Tax Advisor
The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time.
The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach.
Suddenly she piped up, “Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or [...]
Daddy Is A Fisherman
The Walton’s invited their new neighbors over to dinner. During dinner Mr.Walton was asked what he did for a living.
Eight years old Brian Walton jumped in and said, “Daddy is a fisherman!”
To which Mrs.Walton replied, “Brian, why do say that. Your daddy is a stockbroker, not a fisherman.”
“No mom. Everytime we visit dad at work [...]
Who Are Publishers
Writers build castles in the sky.
Readers live in them.
Publishers collect the rent.
Year 10000 And COBOL
Jack was a COBOL programmer in the mid to late 1990s. After years of being taken for granted and treated as a technological dinosaur by all the Client/Server programmers and website developers, he was finally getting some respect. He’d become a private consultant specializing in Year 2000 conversions.
Several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work had [...]
Politicians Speech
Sonia Gandhi made a mistake of reprimanding an aide who wrote speeches on which her reputation was largely based.
At the next speech, after the introductory witticisms in the first two pages, she turned to page three and read loudly :
“Now, Madam, you’re on your own.”
Which Class Is It
You enter the laboratory and see an experiment.
How will you know which class is it?
If it’s green and wiggles, it’s biology.
If it stinks, it’s chemistry.
If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.