You should have been here half an hour ago!
Headmaster: John you should have been here half an hour ago!
John:Why sir, what happened?
Water, Swimming, Drowning
“Now don’t forget boys,” the science teacher droned on. “If it wasn’t for water we would never learn to swim. And if we’d never learned to swim, just think how many people would have drowned!”
What do you do it in?
John: I’m the school champion for the hundred metres.
Tom: What do you do it in?
John: Oh, shorts,a vest and spikes.
Why are you trying to cross the road here?
Lollypop lady: John, why are you trying to cross the road here? There’s a zebra crossing just 50 yards up the road.
John: Well I hope it is having more luck than I am !
Is it better to swim on an empty stomach or a full one?
Games master: Is it better to swim on an empty stomach or a full one?
John: Neither Sir, It’s best to swim on water.
Which is further away?
Teacher: John which is further away, The sun or South America?
John: South America is further away, Sir.
Teacher: Don’t be silly John!
John: But Sir, you can see the sun but you can’t see South America.
If Shakespear was alive today….
Teacher: If Shakespear was alive today he’d still be considered a very remarkable man.
John: Of course he would. He’d be 250 years old!
Whats the most important thing to remember in Chemistry?
Whats the most important thing to remember in Chemistry?
Never lick the spoon…
One Dollar
TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.
TEACHER (sadly): You don’t know your arithmetic.
VINCENT (sadly): You don’t know my father.
Oranges and More Oranges….
TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!