No More Punishments !
HAROLD: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
Deserving Marks
Student: But I dont think I deserve zero on this paper.
Teacher: Neither do I, but its the lowest grade I can give you.
Have You Done Anything Yet?
“Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade.”
“Don’t panic, I’m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?”
“Yea, I shaved with the electric razor.”
After The Operation….
“Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”
“Yes, of course…”
“Great! I never could before!”
Second Opinion
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
“You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work.
By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
“What took you so long to answer?”
“I was in bed.”
“What were you [...]
Leave Me Alone
The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: “I’m afraid we’re going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.”
“Well, if it’s just because of them, I’d rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.”
Delivery Time
A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” the doctor queries.
“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”
Dead Man’s Lawyer
A coroner was being cross examined by defense counsel. The attorney asked, “Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the man’s pulse?”
“No,” the coroner replied.
The attorney then asked, “Did you listen for a heart beat?”
The coroner again replied, “No.”
“Did you check for breathing?,” asked the attorney.
Again the coroner replied, “No.”
The attorney then asked, [...]
Something For The Hiccups !
A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.
“What did you do that for?” the man asks.
“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore, do you?”
The man says, “No, but my wife out in the car [...]
Nurses are….
Interns think of God,
residents pray to God,
doctors talk to God,
nurses ARE God.