Mistaken Way
TEACHER: Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
ALFRED: I get up early.
The Rings Of Age
“Now remember boys and girls,” said the science teacher. “You can tell a tree’s age by counting the rings in a cross-section. One ring for a year.”
Alec went home for tea and found a Swiss roll on the table. “I’m not eating that, mum,” he said. “It’s five years old!”
Something Short
Teacher: If “can’t” is short for “cannot,” what is “don’t” short for?
Student: Doughnut.
Homework Guy
Dad: What did you learn in school today, son?
Son: I learned that those sums you did for me were wrong!
Reciting The Tables
Teacher: Recite your tables to me, Joan.
Joan: Dining table, kitchen table, bedside table …
Pockets Full
“Frank,” said the weary maths teacher,” if you had seven dollars in your pocket, and seven dollars in another pocket, what would you have?”
“Someone else’s trousers on!”
Thing Of Time !
Headmaster: John you should have been here half an hour ago!
John: Why sir, what happened?
A Hundred Meter Champion
John: I’m the school champion for the hundred meters.
Tom: What do you do it in?
John: Oh, shorts, a vest and spikes.
How To Cross The Road?
Lollypop lady: John, why are you trying to cross the road here? There’s a zebra crossing just 50 yards up the road.
John: Well I hope it is having more luck than I am!
Swimming Lesson
Games master: Is it better to swim on an empty stomach or a full one?
John: Neither Sir, It’s best to swim on water.