I Thank You
God, I thank you for the place where no one goes but you and I;
for the secret field, the tree, the rock, the corner in the house
where I may go and find myself again and, in finding me, find you.
What longed-for-peace creeps in upon my heart, when hidden in this secret place,
I listen to the […]
Facts Of Life
Never laugh at anyone’s dreams.
Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
Once in a while, invite the person behind you in the queue to go ahead of you.
Buy ladders, extension cords and gardens hoses longer than you think you’ll need.
Ask anyone giving directions to repeat them at least twice.
Rehearse a joke before telling it.
Accept […]
Special Criminals
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still […]
Brawn V/S Brain
Michael Jordan made over $300,000/game: $10,000 a minute, assuming he averaged about 30 minutes per game.
Assuming $40 million in endorsements, he made $178,100 a day (working or not)!
Assuming he slept 7 hrs a night, he made $52,000 every night.
If he goes to a movie, he’ll pay $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550.
He’ll make $3,710 while watching […]
Stranded On An Island
A man found himself, he knew not how, swept up on the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of […]
AOL Humor
AOL: America Online, this is Sue speaking.
Caller: Hi, I have some questions about American Online before I join.
AOL: Okay, ma’am, what’s your question?
Caller: Well, some of my friends who have AOL say they get something called “cybersex”… does this cost extra?
AOL: :::quiet laugh in the background::: Well ma’am… I don’t know how to explain this, […]
7 Things To Do When The Internet Is Down
1. Dial 911 Immediately.
2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.
3. You mean there’s something else to do?
4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.
5. Work.
6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.
7. Get that kidney transplant you’ve been putting off.
10 Reasons Computers Are Better Than Girlfriends
You wouldn’t bother to play Strip Poker all night with a girlfriend.
No girlfriend can hold your undivided attention for 30 hours in a stretch.
Your computer never wants to be taken out for dinner.
Your computer doesn’t mind if you are unshaved, haven’t showered this week or are sitting by it in your underwear.
If a computer gets […]
Glossary Of PC Messages
It says: “Press Any Key”
It means: “Press any key you like but I’m not moving.”
It says: “Press A Key”
(This one’s a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the “A” key.)
It says: “Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E”
It means: “… where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only […]
If Microsoft Built Cars
1. A particular model year of car wouldn’t be available until after that year instead of before it.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you’d have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, and you’d have to restart it. For some strange reason, you’d just […]