Computers In Movies
Computers in Movies:
1. Word processors never display a cursor.
2. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
3. All monitors display inch-high letters.
4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.
5. Those that don’t will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells [...]
Girlfriend and Wife
Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it’s a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the [...]
Can you tell me one substance that conducts electricity?
Science Teacher: Can you tell me one substance that conducts electricity, Jane?
Jane: Why, er….
Science Teacher: Wire is correct.
What Is HNO3
“Philip,” asked the chemistry teacher, “What is HNO3?”
“Oh, er…just a minute, miss, er… it’s on the top of my tongue…”
“Well in that case-spit it out. It’s nitric acid!”
Where Are My Shoes?
With tears in his eyes, the little boy told his kindergarten teacher that only one pair of boots was left in the classroom and they weren’t his. The teacher searched and searched, but she couldn’t find any other boots.
“Are you sure these boots aren’t yours? “, she asked.
“I am sure,” the little boy sobbed, “mine [...]
Dad, can you write in the dark?
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
MOTHER: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
JUNIOR: Because of absence.
MOTHER: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
JUNIOR: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
Student ATM
As a poor student, these are things you definitely would NOT want to see happen at the ATM…
* You go to get a balance inquiry, and instead of printing out a receipt the screen says: “Not worth wasting paper.”, and ejects your card.
* You try to get a balance inquiry, and the screen says: “Account [...]
Flying Home For The Holidays
A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to Houston. And as she gave the agent her luggage, she made this remark, “I’d like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London.”
The confused agent said, “I’m sorry, we [...]
The Night Before Finals
It was the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
Danced in their heads.
Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor
Would loosen their thinking.
In my own apartment,
I had been pacing,
And dreading exams
I soon would be facing.
My roomate [...]