My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.
So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.Â
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room,where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tiredand somber. ‘I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,’ he said as he surveyed the worried faces. ‘The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain Transplant.It’s an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the Brain yourselves.’
It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it is. Flowers.” “That’s right!” the boy said, “But, how did you know?” “Oh, just a wild guess,” she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner’s daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets.” “That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl. “Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher.
AÂ Woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”
“No more headaches?” the husband asks, “What happened?”
His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist.Â He told me to stand in front of a mirror,stare at myself and repeat
I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.’
Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: “You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don’t trouble the other employees”.
The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says: “You’re all working very hard, and I’m very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?”
Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I am comfortable seated. Lily : So what do you do? Sam : I close my eyes.
Woman : How can I ever repay you for your kindness and consideration to me?
Man : By cheque, money order or cash.
Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you! GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?