The old cowboy came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The townsman watched as he slowly dismounted and tied his horse to the rail outside the saloon.
The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of the horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don’t shine.
As he then walked by, the townsman had to comment. “I couldnt help but notice you as you got off your horse. That’s quite an unusual ritual.”
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!” The panda yells back at the manager, “Hey man, I’m a PANDA! Look it up!”
A little boy turned to his grandpa and said, “grandpa, talk like a frog.”
The Grandpa replied “What?, I’m not going to talk like a frog!”
The little boy again asked, “come on, Grandpa talk like a frog please.”
Grandpa again said “No! Go bother your grandmother.”
The little boy finally gave up and left.
A little while later the little boy’s sister came in and said “Grandpa will you talk like a frog for me?”
There’s this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, “Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?” The missionary says, “Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say ‘Thank God’ to make it go and ‘Amen’ to make it stop.”
Poultry farm owner to all the chicken, “If you all dont lay two eggs each in the night no one gets any thing to eat.”
All lay two eggs each but one just lay one egg.
Owner, “Why did you lay just one egg?”
Hen, “Sir, this was just out of your fear, else I happen to be a cock!”
Shared By : Gaurav GG
Mouse One: I’ve trained that crazy science teacher at last!
Mouse Two: How have you done that?
Mouse One: I don’t know how, but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell, he gives me a bit of cheese!
A lady approaches a priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem . I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying “Hi, we’re hot. Do you want a date?”
“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed. “But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, “Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?” The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said – “Well yeah, if that’s what they are, I never heard of circle flies”.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Shared By : Stephanie – stephmsmith