I Never Take Risk While Drinking

When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking,  can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen,  stealthily enter the house. Take out the bottle from my black cupboard, Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame. But still no one is aware of it, Becoz I never take a risk

I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink, Quickly enjoy one peg, Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack, Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard, Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile,

A man wanted to prove to a group of alcoholics the effect of alcohol in human body system. He brought two jars; one containing water and the other containing alcohol, along with a very healthy worm. He said to the audience:

“This jar contain water” He dropped the worm in the jar and said, “Please watch the reaction”. The worm swam to the side of the jar and up it floats dangling and swimming.

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.

While chatting with the bartender the man says: “I have a method that will enable you to double the amount of beer you sell every day.”

“Really?!” says the bartender, “How?”

“Very simple. Just pour full glasses.”

A man rushed into a bar and ordered a double martini.

The man downed it with one swallow, put a five dollar bill on the bar, and turned and rushed out of the bar.

The bartender picked up the five dollar bill, and folded it carefully and tucked it in his vest pocket.

Just at that moment he looked up at the boss standing in the doorway staring at him.

Doing a bit of fast thinking he said, “Hi boss, did you see that fellow just now? Came in here, bought a double martini, gave me a five dollar tip, and rushed out without paying.”

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender to recommend a good drink.

The bartender says that their grasshoppers are very good, so the man orders one. Then he has another couple.

On the way home he notices a grasshopper on the ground.

He says to the grasshopper, “Do you know that there is a drink named after you?”

The grasshopper looks up at the man and says “Do you mean they have a drink called Irving?”

A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive 30-year-old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him.

Then without pausing, he quickly downs each one.

“Whew,” the bartender remarked, “you seem to be in a hurry.”

“You would be too if you had what I have.”

“What do you have?” the bartender sympathetically asked.

A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.

“Well,” said a customer, “I never saw anything as peculiar as that!”

“What’s so peculiar about it?” the bartender said. “His wife sent him out for a jar of olives.”

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations.

At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his.

Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Everyone else left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

Corona’s president sits down and says, “Señor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.”

The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

Then Budweiser’s president says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.”

A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer.

“That will be one ruble,” says the bartender.

“One ruble!” the customer protests, “last week it was only fifty kopeks!”

“Well,” replies the bartender, “it’s fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopecs for the perestroika.”

Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender gives him back fifty kopecs and says, “We are out of beer.”