Bill went jogging one morning and came upon the Washington monument. He said, “George, what should I do?”
After a few seconds George replied, “Abolish the IRS and start over.”
Bill thought about this for a few seconds and continued jogging.
Shortly he came upon the Jefferson Memorial and stopped.
He said “Tom, what should I do?”
After a few seconds Tom replied, “Abolish welfare and start over.”
Bill Clinton and Al Gore went into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu, the waitress came over and asked Clinton, “Are you ready to order, sir?”
Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a quickie.”
“A quickie?!” the waitress replies with disgust. “Sir, given the current situation of your personal life, I don’t believe thatâ€™s a good idea. I’ll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the MENU.”
Bill and Hillary were taking stroll outside the White House gates one morning and came upon a little boy trying to give away a litter of puppies.
When Hillary remarked about how cute they were, the little boy said,”Yes, ma’am, they are. They’re democrats.”
Hillary thought this was so sweet that she told the boy if he still had one left by the weekend, she would be glad take one of them home.
Hillary and Chelsea are sitting around the table having a mother/daughter talk.
Hillary says to Chelsea, “You have been going to college for a while now. Have you had sex yet?”
Chelsea says, “Well, not according to Dad.”
Clinton died and went to heaven-or to be more accurate-approached the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared.
“Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter.
“‘It’s me, Bill Clinton”
“And what do you want?” asked St. Peter.
“Lemme in!” replied Clinton.
“Soooo,” pondered Peter. “What bad things did you do on earth?”
Bill and Hillary Clinton are at a baseball game. As the game is getting ready to start, Bill stands up, picks up Hillary, and throws her out onto the field. When he sits down, his chief advisor leans over and says, “You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you have to throw out the first pitch.”
In Virginia a helicopter was cruising fast at tree top level when the engine quit, too low to auto-rotate, the helicopter plunged into a small lake where three boys happened to be fishing.
The boys who were at the lake saw the whole thing happen. They swam to the site of the crash, looked in the wreckage and saw that the pilot and copilot were both dead. The lone passenger was unconscious and barely alive. They pulled him out, took him to shore, and gave him artificial respiration – saving his life.
A man on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, “Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing’s even moving.” He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, “Excuse me, Officer, what’s the hold up?”
The Officer replies, “The President just found out Starr has delivered another report to Congress and he’s all depressed. He stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he’s threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn’t have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers.
A guy dies and goes to heaven. It’s a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon the guy’s passing the entrance test, St. Peter says “I’m not very busy today, why don’t you let me show you around?”
The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria, and finally, they come to a huge room full of clocks.
Once Bill Clinton visited a elementary school to talk to a group of 3rd graders. He said to them, “Today we are going to discuss the difference between a tragedy, a great loss and an accident”.
Then he said, “Can anyone give me an example of a tragedy?”
A little boy raises his hand and says, “If a kid runs out in the street after a ball and gets hit by a car.”