Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: “You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don’t trouble the other employees”.

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: “You’re all working very hard, and I’m very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?”

Michael Jordan made over $300,000/game: $10,000 a minute, assuming he averaged about 30 minutes per game.

Assuming $40 million in endorsements, he made $178,100 a day (working or not)!

Assuming he slept 7 hrs a night, he made $52,000 every night.

If he goes to a movie, he’ll pay $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550.

He’ll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.

A man found himself, he knew not how, swept up on the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it.

For the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea for a ship to come to his rescue. One day, as he was lying on the beach stroking his beard and looking for a ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. Could it be true, was it a ship? No, from around the corner of the island came a rowboat. In it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen — or at least in last 4 months. She was tall, tanned, and her blonde hair flowed in the sea breeze.

AOL: America Online, this is Sue speaking.

Caller: Hi, I have some questions about American Online before I join.

AOL: Okay, ma’am, what’s your question?

Caller: Well, some of my friends who have AOL say they get something called “cybersex”… does this cost extra?

AOL: :::quiet laugh in the background::: Well ma’am… I don’t know how to explain this, but cybersex is not part of America Online.

1. Dial 911 Immediately. 2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years. 3. You mean there’s something else to do? 4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote. 5. Work. 6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family. 7. Get that kidney transplant you’ve been putting off.

  • You wouldn’t bother to play Strip Poker all night with a girlfriend. 
  • No girlfriend can hold your undivided attention for 30 hours in a stretch. 
  • Your computer never wants to be taken out for dinner. 
  • Your computer doesn’t mind if you are unshaved, haven’t showered this week or are sitting by it in your underwear. 
  • If a computer gets a virus, it can be cleaned away. 
  • No matter how ugly your computer is, you can show it to your friends. 
  • With a computer, you can press the buttons without it getting sore. 
  • A computer doesn’t mind you using other computers as well. 
  • You will never find your computer in bed with your best friend. 
  • Computers never, EVER gets a period.
  • It says: “Press Any Key” It means: “Press any key you like but I’m not moving.”

    It says: “Press A Key” (This one’s a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the “A” key.)

    It says: “Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E” It means: “… where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it’s a hardware problem.”

    1. A particular model year of car wouldn’t be available until after that year instead of before it.

    2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you’d have to buy a new car.

    3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, and you’d have to restart it. For some strange reason, you’d just accept this.

    4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a Car 95 or a Car NT. But then you’d have to buy more seats.

    Computers in Movies:

    1. Word processors never display a cursor.

    2. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.

    3. All monitors display inch-high letters.

    4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.

    5. Those that don’t will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

    Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it’s a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He’s finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).