“Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade.”
“Don’t panic, I’m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?”
“Yea, I shaved with the electric razor.”
“Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”
“Yes, of course…”
“Great! I never could before!”
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
“You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work.
By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
“What took you so long to answer?”
“I was in bed.”
“What were you doing in bed this late?”
The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: “I’m afraid we’re going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.”
“Well, if it’s just because of them, I’d rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.”
A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” the doctor queries.
“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”
Patient: “Doctor, I have an ear ache.”
2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
At a doctors surgery one morning a patient arrives complainingÂ ofÂ serious backache. The doctor examines him and asks him”What theÂ hell did you do to your back?”
The patient replies “You know that I work for a local night club? Today morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom.Â On entering I knew someone had been sleeping with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,That’s how I strained my back”
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and was taken in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was quickly reassured by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed. “Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” the nun saidÂ while patting his hand. “We do have to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?”