Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: “You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don’t trouble the other employees”.
The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says: “You’re all working very hard, and I’m very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?”
Someone has rightly said, “A fool can ask more questions than a wise man can answer. No wonder why so many of us are speechless in front of our bosses” 😉
Shared By : Dipesh Arora
A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in acage.
He asked the clerk, “how much for the parrot on the right?
The owner said it was $250.
“$250”, the man said. “Well what does he do?
“He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk. “He can do all of your Spreadsheets and type all of your letters.”
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures. In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success .
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike. In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
During appraisal , they will deny promotion saying you didn’t meet the expectation, you don’t have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal. During resignation , they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.
Our FRIEND WAS chatting with a female – Online chat.
(Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC’s)
Hero : Hey…GM (Good Morning)… How r u doing today?
Female: VGM…Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
Hero : wow…am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat
Female: Yep…me too feel the same…Brb (be right back)’ll get some Coffee.
It’s a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk. Â Fox: “What are you working on?”
Rabbit: “My thesis.”
Fox: “Hmm… What is it about?”
Rabbit: “Oh, I’m writing about how rabbits eat foxes.” Â Fox: “That’s ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don’t eat foxes!”
It’s a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk. Â Fox: “Do you know the time, because my watch is broken” Â Lion: “Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you” Â Fox: “Hmm… But it’s a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even moreÃ¢â‚¬Å“ Â Lion: “Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed” Â Fox: “That’s ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches” Â Lion: “Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed” Â The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.
With a pile of 300 rÃ©sumÃ©s on his desk and a need to pick someone quickly, my boss told me to make calls on the bottom 50 and toss the rest.Â
“Throw away 250 rÃ©sumÃ©s?” I asked, shocked.
“What if the best candidates are in there?”
“You have a point,” he said. “But then again, I don’t need people with bad luck here.”
Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.
If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them. Put them in auditing .
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in engineering.
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: