A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.

“Aren’t you going to get a drink yourself?” asked the doctor.

“Sure, after the police leave.” replied the lawyer.

A coroner was being cross examined by defense counsel. The attorney asked, “Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the man’s pulse?”

“No,” the coroner replied.

The attorney then asked, “Did you listen for a heart beat?”

The coroner again replied, “No.”

“Did you check for breathing?,” asked the attorney.

Only in Louisiana – you have to love  this lawyer – It’s too good not to share! A New Orleans  lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client who lost his house in Hurricane  Katrina and wanted to rebuild.. He was told the loan would be granted if he  could prove satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered as  collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the  Lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the  FHA, he received the following reply:

Seen on a bumper sticker in California:

 “Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.”

What is the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

People cry when they chop up onions.

Jury(n): a collection of people banded together for the purpose of deciding who has hired the better lawyer.

Your attorney and your mother-in-law are trapped in a burning building. You have time to save only one of them.

Do you have lunch or go to a movie?

An attorney was painting his house, when a man approached asking if he could earn a few dollars. The attorney thought about it for a minute, and said, “Sure, take a can of this paint, go around to the back of the house, and paint my porch.”

An hour later the man returned, saying he was finished.

Surprised, the lawyer said, “Already?”

“Yes”, the man said, “but it wasn’t a Porch, it was a Mercedes !”

The New York State Assembly recently passed legislation regarding the hunting and harvesting of atorneys.

They can be found by clicking on New York Attorney Hunting Regulations.

Happy hunting!

1. Lawyers are more plentiful than rats; 2. The lab technicians don’t get as attached to the lawyers, 3. There are some things a rat just won’t do, and 4. This is one area where the animal rights activists won’t get worked up over.