My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’

I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.

So, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started.


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. 

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room,where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tiredand somber. ‘I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,’ he said as he surveyed the worried faces. ‘The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain Transplant.It’s an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the Brain yourselves.’

A  Woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”

“No more headaches?” the husband asks, “What happened?”

His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist.  He told me to stand in front of a mirror,stare at myself and repeat

I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.’

Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I am comfortable seated. Lily : So what do you do? Sam : I close my eyes.

Woman : How can I ever repay you for your kindness and consideration to me?

Man : By cheque, money order or cash.

Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you! GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?

BOY : I love you and I could die for you! GIRL : How soon?

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.. BOY : Don’t you ever want to improve?

1st MAN : I’m worried about my daughter. She keeps being chased by the doctor. 2nd MAN : Has she tried an apple?