An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.”
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
A man was walking along the beach when he found a bottle. When he rubbed it, a genie appeared.
“Master,” the genie said, “Thank you for letting me out of my thousand year prison. For this, I will grant you three wishes. The catch is, that every lawyer will get twice what you get. After all, I am a lawyer’s genie”
The man thought about this for a minute or two. “For my first wish, I would like ten million tax-free dollars.”
A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud “THUMP” and then he would swerve back onto the road. One day, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
One day, the children were in class when the teacher said they were going to talk about careers and what their parents did for a living. A number of hands went up.
“Connie, you go first,” said the teacher.
Connie said, “My daddy’s a doctor, and my mommy stays at home and takes care of my little brother.”
“That’s terrific!”, said the teacher.
If you average 3 hours of sleep a night
If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn’t
If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week
If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy
If you wake up 10 minutes before class
If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row — without washing them
If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class
10. There is an endless supply  9. Lab assistants don’t get attached to them  8. It’s more fun to shave and stick needles in lawyers  7. There are some things rats just won’t do  6. It’s fun to dispose of them when you’re through  5. It’s not “inhumane” treatment, when it comes to lawyers  4. No one cares when a lawyer squeals  3. We’ve seen what happens when they are allowed to breed freely  2. Lawyers belong in cages